A Day at the Mall
by TTY7
Summary: In one of those rare quiet days early in the 4th Holy Grail War, Saber and Irisviel take a trip to Fuyuki Mall for some good old-fashioned girl fun. (Fate/Zero one-shot request from SuperNova23 for my 100 one-shot challenge. Entry 2/100.)


A/N: This story was requested by my friend SuperNova 23 for my 100 one-shot challenge. Took me forever to finish it, but now it is finally done! This is for you buddy. I really hope you'll enjoy it.

Disclaimer: I do not own Fate/Zero or any of the subsequent Fate series.

Warnings: This is just a fun friendship story that has little to do with the actual Fate/Zero plotline. It's simply Irisviel and Saber hanging out together and having girl time. In other words, it has more of a slice of life vibe even though I'm not writing it in an AU setting or anything. Also most of this was written before my other Fate one-shot Only Time Will Tell, which I consider to be one of my best works here on the site (mainly because the story just flowed from my mind into my fingertips like butter). So, unless I just edit this thing really well, there may be a quality gap between that one and this one in terms of general storytelling.

* * *

 _A Day at the Mall_

8:51 a.m.

Amidst the blaring sounds of heavy traffic in the downtown district of Fuyuki City, Japan, Irisviel Einzbern smiled cheerfully, her crimson gaze locked on the towering buildings swiftly passing by outside the car window. Next to her in the driver's seat, Arturia Pendgragon, (dubbed Saber to keep her true identity secret throughout the Holy Grail War), carefully maneuvered the vehicle through the streets, a more subdued expression gracing her features. Saber was naturally more tense as the Holy Grail War was well underway and every day in Fuyuki meant possible danger for Irisveil whom her master, Kiritsugu Emiya, had ordered her to guard at all times, knowing full well that making such a request would cause other masters to believe Irisveil was the one who had summoned her when this wasn't actually the case.

Saber wasn't sure how to feel about that, though in some ways she was grateful for the task Emiya had given her. She hadn't spent a great deal of time with Irisveil as of yet, but the woman was about as easy to read as a children's storybook. While quiet and reserved at times, Irisviel Einzbern was a woman easily excited, which was a given seeing that she had spent her entire life at the Einzburn residence in Germany. Coming to Fuyuki was her first time traveling anywhere, period.

" _All for a war,_ " the knight mused silently, rounding a corner at her companion's sudden request.

"This should be exciting!" Irisviel exclaimed, glancing down at the tourist map lying in her lap. Glancing at the buildings outside the window again she added, "I have heard many things about the Fuyuki Mall and its different shops and food outlets. We'll have a wonderful time, right Saber?"

The former king shrugged, her lips lifting into a more noticeable smile. She had knowledge of what a mall was, as the Holy Grail gave her the ability to adjust to any time period she ended up in. Even so, she had never been inside such an establishment before, and so she had no real idea what to expect in what was bound to be an extremely crowded place.

" _I will have to be on my guard_ ," she thought, clutching the steering wheel a little tighter. " _The other masters are not likely to attack us, but they could be watching..._ "

"Saber, is something the matter?" Irisviel asked suddenly, blinking her crimson-colored irises in confusion. "Is there a potential threat in doing this?"

"No, of course not," the knight answered easily. "Naturally we will have to tread somewhat cautiously, but I highly doubt the other masters will make a move while in such a highly populated area."

Irisviel's smile widened as a giggle slipped from her lips. "Splendid! That means nothing can ruin the fun."

A small chuckle escaped the former king. "I suppose not." With fluid movements, Saber twisted the steering wheel, leading them into a parking garage. The servant watched the area carefully while also paying close attention to the traffic around her as she slowly steered the vehicle to the top level.

"Oh! The view is probably amazing from up here!" Irisviel cheered excitedly, practically bouncing in her seat. If not for her reserved nature, Saber would have laughed heartily at the sight. Alas, with the threat of potential danger still looming, she relented to smirking good naturedly while parking the vehicle in the first vacant spot she saw, hoping her charge would stay calm long enough to bring the car to a complete stop before jumping out to have an adventure.

To Saber's horror, the bubbly woman was out of the car before she was even able to pull in halfway. With a panicked motion upon seeing the silver-haired woman running through an area where another vehicle could simply mow her down into a human-shaped pancake, Saber quickly pressed her foot on the gas a bit harder, making the car jump a bit as it moved into the space fully. After a clicking off the motor, she swung the door open, nearly hitting the yellow Honda next to them.

"Irisviel!" she shrieked with a widening emerald gaze. "Wait a moment!"

The child-like woman barely heard her bodyguard. Closing her eyes, she held her arms out beside her and hummed a happy tune. The crisp, cool air of early winter floated in the wind, but the sun's light was still bright and warm as far as Irisveil was concerned. She soaked it in, her smile widening as she twirled about in smooth circles.

"This is wonderful! Absolutely wonderful!"

Saber found herself smiling, watching her master's wife. Seeing that sort of innocence in a person was endearing to her, especially given her war ridden past. If only...

Shaking her head, Saber finally shouted out, "Irisviel, are we going inside?"

The bubbly woman stopped moving, though the wind continued to flutter through her long, silver locks as she turned to face her protector. "Oh, yes of course. Forgive me. It's just that the view is so nice." She turned her gaze upward toward the puffy clouds hanging in the sky far above them. "I'm not accustomed to such warm weather either. It's nice."

"I understand," Saber replied, glancing about to make sure that no one was lurking about. So far she had only seen civilians getting out or into their vehicles. Some were with children, others were with their lovers, but most were single women carrying three hundred pounds worth of merchandise. It wasn't a pretty picture as far as Saber could tell, not that she was concerned.

"You bring up a good point though," Irisviel commented, finally turning to face Saber fully. "We best go inside. After all, we came her to shop and have fun."

The blonde servant nervously glanced at a woman carrying five bags on either arm. "Just promise me we won't be buying too much."

Irisviel's expression soured for a moment but lifted into her usual smile just as quickly. "There's no need to worry about that, Saber. I don't need anything. I just want to get a few things for Illya and appreciate the scenery. After all, there's so much to see and so little time."

Saber nodded, though she found herself feeling a little concerned at her charge's initial expression. Of course, as a valiant knight, she felt it wasn't her place to voice that concern aloud.

"Soooooooooo," the childish woman dragged out enthusiastically while hooking her arm through Saber's, "Let's go!"

"Um...alright...whoa!" Saber stumbled a bit, caught off-guard by the tugging. The former king felt a bit of annoyance at that, but again...it was probably best not to voice it.

Once inside the tortuous institution dubbed "The Mall", Saber felt even more destitute. Almost immediately upon entering, Irisveil went on a rampage, rushing from one store to the next while sighing a chorus of "oohs and aahs" at each place they entered, which grew more and more aggravating over time.

At first, she seemed attracted to jewelry stores, but then she started drifting into small toy outlets where the woman continuously gushed over tiny Pokémon plush toys.

For whatever reason, Irisviel held a particular fascination with what looked like a...blue penguin?

"Illya would love this," she cheered, holding the plush toy over her head with crimson eyes aglow. "It's so cute." She pressed the toy against her cheek. "And soft too!"

Upon her request, Saber withdrew the credit card Kiritsugu had given her to use to finance what would be his wife's first shopping spree. Saber had hoped that the woman wouldn't want to buy much but...

"Oh! Wait!" The woman flung her hands into another bin of plushies before taking out one with the appearance of a weird fox thing. "This is adorable too! I wonder which one Illya would like better. What do you think Saber? Which one is the cutest?"

Saber wasn't sure if she even knew the proper definition of the word "cute" let alone how to differentiate between the different levels of cuteness...if that was even a word. For all the information the Holy Grail had given her about the timeline, the woman was at a complete loss on this matter.

"So which one?" Irisviel implored, blinking in confusion over what probably seemed like a massive predicament to her. "The blue penguin or this tiny fox looking thing?"

Saber's eyebrow lifted slightly. "Well uh...this is not my area of expertise Irisveil."

"Oh, don't be a sourpuss Saber," the silver-haired woman replied, pouting. "Just pick one."

Saber's green eyes darted between the two plushies. "Umm..." She paused and coughed, mainly to compose herself of the ridiculousness unfolding before her. "I suppose the blue penguin would be most sufficient."

Irisviel smiled. "Blue penguin it is then..."

"Although." Saber interrupted, "If you're unsure, you could simply buy both. Kiritsugu told me to use this card to get whatever you wanted. There's no need to be selective."

"That sounds like my Kiritsugu," Irisviel whispered, her crimson eyes falling toward the floor then lifting just as quickly. Saber found herself raising an eyebrow again. That was the second time her companion's expressions had shifted like that.

"Still Saber," the woman began again, "I really want to pick the best one for Illya, so..."she held up the two plushies again, "Which one? The penguin or the fox?"

After glancing between the two plushies, seriously this time, Saber pointed to the penguin with a slight blush on her face. "That's the uh...cutest one."

With a firm nod, Irisveil gently placed the red fox back into the bin. Within seconds she was heading to the front counter with the blue penguin. "Are you coming, Saber?"

The blonde servant fell in step behind the silver-haired woman without a word and quickly paid for the penguin plush toy. The cashier placed the item in a plastic bag with the store logo it, thanked them for coming, then moved on to the next customer as the two women left. In her happiness over a lucrative purchase, Irisveil started humming yet another song as a few teenagers passed by carrying ice cream cones.

"We should stop by the food court next," she blurted once the teens were out of sight. "I hear there's all sorts of amazing foods to try here."

Once more, all Saber could do was nod and follow behind the bubbly woman. Still...it was clear that something was a bit off about her today, like she was upset about something but not wanting to say anything about it.

" _It's not your place to question it,_ " Saber reminded herself a few minutes later, forcing herself to smile as Irisviel took a free sample from a man about Kiritsugu's age. Feeling a little bored, she leaned back against the marble pillar behind her and began surveying the area with her harsh emerald gaze until she caught the sound of snickers from a distance to her right. Not liking the sound, she shifted her eyes slightly, depending mostly on her peripheral vision to narrow down where the sound was coming from. Seconds later, she noted those same teenagers again. One of them was pointing at her.

Under normal circumstances, Saber wouldn't have been able to hear what they were saying, but thanks to the fact that they were talking rather _LOUDLY_ , the former king could hear every word of the conversation.

And quite frankly, it made her _very_ uncomfortable.

"Guys, I really can't tell," a girl wearing her dark hair in a ponytail was saying. "Is that a really feminine looking guy or a manish girl."

"I dunno," the tallest guy in their group stated, "But what I do know is that their friend is definitely a hot piece of meat."

A much shorter blonde girl jumped up to smack the guy across the back of his head. "Ew! Rude much!"

"Ouch! Hey, I'm just telling it like it is."

"For real though guys," the first girl chimed in, her ponytail swinging. "I'd really like to know for sure."

"You could just ask," the second boy in the group offered.

"No!"

"What? Just a suggestion."

"A bad suggestion!" Ponytail girl shouted. "I don't want to come across as rude. Besides, if it's a guy, I want to go on a date with him. A question like that would totally ruin my plans."

The tallest teen raised an eyebrow at her. "Do you really want to date a guy that looks like a chick though?"

"Or a guy that's actually a girl?" The shorter girl asked, placing her hands on her hips. "Sounds like a bad idea if you ask me."

"Oh, what do you two know!"

The conversation continued, and with each word spoken, Saber's blush intensified. She couldn't fathom why, but she felt embarrassed.

Much to her chagrin, Irisviel picked up on the servant's discomfort, even while happily munching on a piece of juicy pork. "Saber? Is something the matter?"

"No." She heard more snickers behind her.

"That's gotta be a guy," the first girl practically screamed, stomping her foot on the ground as if it would sell her point. "That voice is pretty deep..."

The blonde shook her head. "Maybe, but it's sort of high for a guy. Honestly, I can't tell. If it's a girl, then she seriously needs to reconsider her outfit choices. That suit does nothing for her figure at all."

"What figure?" the tall guy exclaimed. "That guy...or girl is a toothpick."

Once more, Saber attempted to hide her shame at the comments because they were meaningless in the end. Still, it annoyed her that children were talking about her body in such a vulgar way.

Irisviel's gaze darted to the teens laughing and in response moved to grab Saber's wrist. "I've decided that I'm not hungry anymore, Saber." With a firm tug that the knight wasn't totally prepared for, she began to drag her protector in the direction of a boutique not too far away.

Saber, still collecting what was left of her dignity, gasped at the force of Irisviel's tugging. "Where are we going?"

"We're going to teach those rude kids a lesson," the other woman answered, a devilish smile tugging at the corners of her lips. Her crimson gaze narrowed on the boutique as if it were going to be their base of operations. "And to do that, we need to give you a makeover."

"What!" Saber's eyes widened like saucers. "But Irisveil, I..."

"Leave it to me," she interrupted, winking back at her companion. "I know exactly what to do."

* * *

About ten minutes later

Saber glared at the mirror then at the closed door her master's wife was standing behind.

"Well?" the woman's voice cooed. "How does it look? Come on Saber, let me see how it looks."

The former king replied with an indignant grunt while glaring at the mirror again. She was wearing a short, red halter dress that left a good deal of her back exposed, but worse than that was the skirt of the dress, which was a good six inches above her knees.

That was half a foot of extra skin Saber did not want to show.

The crimson spawns of Satan called stilettos didn't help to boost her confidence either. She looked like a concubine, an overly suggestive concubine.

" _There's no way I'm leaving this dressing room in such...inappropriate garments."_

"Saber, please, I'm sure you look lovely."

" _I have the legs of a chicken,_ " the knight turned doll mentally concluded, still glaring at her reflection. " _I know Irsiveil means well, but whatever embarrassment I had earlier was trivial compared to this...this...oh! Words fail to capture my shame._ "

There was a loud sigh outside the door. "If you don't come out, I'll have no choice but to come in after you."

Saber let out a dejected sigh, knowing she couldn't allow her master's wife to make a fool of herself in a public place, even at her expense. Kiritsugu would probably never let her hear the end of it if she did.

The life of an honorable knight is a longsuffering one indeed.

"Very well."

With all the grace she could muster, (which wasn't much given that she could hardly balance herself in those godforsaken shoes she was wearing), Saber walked to the door of her dressing room and opened it.

Irisviel's crimson eyes lit up in joy upon seeing the blonde. "Oh! Saber, you look absolutely stunning."

"Thank you for the kind words," the servant answered, her legs shaking from the sudden cold air hitting them. "But...I am highly uncomfortable..."

"Now, that you're dressed in new clothes," Irisviel cut in, looping her arm around Saber's again, "Let's take you to the hair and makeup department."

Saber would have protested. She wanted to slam her foot down and scream at the top of her lungs that she was not going to subject herself to further shame, but Irisveil didn't give her a chance to and even if she had, the former king probably would have still gone along with this in the end. She just hoped the other masters and servants didn't decide to attack while she was wearing this abomination of an outfit. She couldn't walk let alone fight in this attire. Maybe if she warned Irisviel about the danger...

"Ah! Here we are!"

Too late.

* * *

Forty minutes later

"Perfect! Absolutely perfect!"

Irisviel was hopping up and down with absolute glee as she looked at Saber's reflection in the full-length mirror the stylist had positioned her in front of. She was still wearing the too short red halter dress and heels, but somehow, thanks to a little poking and prodding from the ends of makeup brushes, tweezers, a curling iron, and a hundred hairpins, Saber found herself smirking just a bit at her appearance...at least from the neck up.

With another clap of her hands, Irisviel let out an exclamation of pure jubilation. "Miss Ryuuki, you did an amazing job. She looks dazzling." She handed the stylist the credit card. "Add fifty-thousand yen to our bill. That can be..." she trailed off glancing at Saber, "Your tip?"

Saber nodded. Kiritsugu deserved a giant credit bill for the madness she was still going through. Sure, she was starting to like the way she looked, but that didn't mean she enjoyed the process it took to create the strange woman staring back at her.

Suddenly as the stylist left to ring up the bill for her services, Irisviel's stomach growled. The crimson eyed woman smirked. "Say Saber, would you like to go back to the food court now. It would seem that I'm hungry again."

"Sounds good."

The two women left the boutique a few minutes later and proceeded to the food court. Surprisingly, the teens from an hour or so earlier were still hanging out, eating at a table near the center of the court.

Saber felt her face flush, having now caught on to Irisviel's plan. "Perhaps we should eat somewhere else?"

The mischievous woman shook her head vigorously. "With these many places to choose from, we could get a sample of everything. Why on Earth would you suggest we leave?" Without another word the childlike woman skipped over to a pizza station, leaving Saber behind to wobble in the shoes she still couldn't walk in.

" _This is sabotage_ ," the former king thought, exhaling a shaky breath while steadying her stance. Carefully she took one step forward then another. The loud clacking of her heels echoed despite the loud conversations circulating through the room. There was an expression of calm anger on her face as she moved to where Irisviel was animatedly chatting with the vender serving her samples of deserts the small pizza parlor was trying out. Unfortunately, before she could get there, she felt someone tap her on her shoulder while clearing their throat.

She turned around and saw one of the teen boys, (the taller one), from earlier standing behind her with a smug expression. Saber was half tempted to just turn back around and keep walking, but her pride as a diplomatic and honorable king wouldn't allow her to exhibit rudeness deliberately.

"Hello," she greeted coolly, appraising the boy. He was somewhat handsome, not that Saber cared in the slightest. She had more important things on her mind, like the fact Irisveil had put her through a good hour of feminine-based torture because of idiotic comments from the likes of him and his frivolous friends.

Now that she thought about it, some revenge was probably in order.

"You clean up nice," he started, smiling confidently. "When my friends and I saw you earlier we weren't sure what to make of you."

Saber scoffed in indifference. "I heard. You weren't exactly quiet in your opinion." Crossing her arms over her chest she added, "So what business do you have with me now?"

The boy's expression soured slightly as he scratched at the back of his head. "Ouch. Sorry about that. My friends can be a bit...rude to say the least."

"That they were," Saber replied simply, feigning boredom. "Are you apologizing?"

"In a sense," he answered, "It actually depends on how you answer my next question."

Saber raised an eyebrow at this, suspecting some foul play at work. "Which is?"

"Would you consider going out on a date with me?"

From the other side of the food court, Saber heard the distinct sound of Irisviel cheering in her triumph. It was more than a little humiliating, especially when half the food quart fell silent in response to the shout.

Still, as unnerving as the sudden silence was, Saber understood the reason for her companion's cheering and smirked in an almost evil way.

"I'm afraid I couldn't bring myself to spend a mere second with a man who enjoys dissecting a woman's looks the way you do," she stated simply, taking a quick look at his attire. "In fact, I don't think any woman would particularly enjoy your company...ever."

The boy's responding expression was one of pure bewilderment. "W-what!?"

Turning on her heel, Saber began to stalk away like a runway model would before stopping to briefly peer at him, although she did wobble somewhat. "Goodbye. May you live a long life of solitude."

Once at the other end of the food court, Irisviel lifted her hand in what appeared to be a high five. "What a fabulous display! You certainly showed him!"

Saber grinned despite herself, the smell of pizza coupled with the victory she had just achieved bringing her a great sense of satisfaction as she lifted her own hand to mirror Irisviel's stance. "Thank you. So, shall we eat? I'm quite famished."

With a bright smile, Irisviel nodded. "Yes, let us celebrate our victory with pizza! I hear it's delicious. Have you ever had pizza before, Saber?"

Shaking her head, she turned toward the vendor in front of them. "Two peperoni pizzas please."

The rest of the day was spent at the food court where Saber and Irisviel spent another fifty thousand yen on yummy treats they had yet to experience.

Despite her earlier apprehension, as it turns out, the mall didn't turn out to be so bad. In fact, Saber could say that she rather enjoyed sharing the experience with a friend.

However, that night when they returned to their base of operations, there was still one thing troubling the blonde knight.

"Irisviel."

"Hmm?"

"Can I please dispose of this horrendous footwear now?"

* * *

A/N: Ah! Finally, I got this one-shot done. I really hope you liked it SuperNova23...it's been...well a long time in the making, but I finally finished it. Thanks for reading everyone! Enjoy the rest of your day. If you liked this little one-shot, be sure to review it. Constructive criticism is welcome.

Fun Fact: 50,000 yen is the equivalent to five hundred U.S. dollars. Since they spent that much yen on both a tip at the boutique and at the food court...well let's say that the two of them spent a combined total of approximately 1,000 U.S. dollars. This doesn't include the penguin (Piplup) or the initial boutique expenses. Poor Kiritsugu...he's gonna have one large bill to pay.


End file.
